Learning

"And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward: Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency {is} of God." - II Co 3:4-5

At the end of the fateful year of 2010 I was sure about one thing for the year to come - would be a different year. And in a way that I never expected (therefore different in the purest sense of the word), 2011 was indeed different.

If someone asked me to summarize these 365 days in one word, my choice would be certainly be the word "learning"

I learned to let the material things go. In January I had a home care patient, a great challenge for a newly graduate like me, so I did a price well below market. But I didn't receive for that job, and I let go those few hundred "dollars". In the same month I learned that only the grace of Jesus can make me overcome temptations, and not myself. And I learned the value of solidarity and hospitality, through Nipponese people who welcomed us with open arms in Espírito Santo.

I learned to expect the impossible and not give up because of a few dreams thwarted. And all this without creating fancy and impossible plans. In the beginning of the year we didn't know how to keep my young brother in his school, because our financial condition, we could not afford the tuition the school. I proposed a project for speech therapy intervention for the director, but he did not understand properly the project, and rejected the proposal. However, he offered me to replace a teacher who was on maternity leave.

From February to mid-May I had the most rewarding experience of my life. I will miss forever each one of those 36 little creatures. With them I learned to teach, to be patient, to be a child again, to love my work. I would not be surprised if I give up my career to teaching. With the payment I pay off my debts (that was accumulated by years) and pay school fees for my brother.

The verse found in II Corinthians 3:4-5, which introduces this post, portrait well the rest of my year, wich was basically study for a available position to city hall. I did not get the job one of the two that I tried, but in fact learned that only by grace, not by any of my knowledge, I will get the job if He wants so. And I am very calm about it.

In the first test, in the city of São José do Rio Preto (in the countryside of state of São Paulo), I failed the test specific, and has good grades in public health, computer science, logical reasoning and Portuguese.  And there I began to learn what is missing and courage. It was the first time I had ever travel by plane, and was going to a city where I didn't knew nobody, much less the city. Although it was only a day and a half, and I did not take a walk through the city, I saw everything in my life be questioned, just because I was far far away from home.

I went back and worked at a clinic of my friends - angels that God replaced so I could survive until I had a steady job. And after a while the opportunity arose to replace a speech therapist in Divinópolis (in the countryside of state of Minas Gerais). And there I learned more. Almost learned to live alone, since I was in a boarding house and the owners were like surrogate parents to me. But I learned to control my finances, to take responsibility like a "housewife", to be a better speech therapist (since it was the first time since graduated, wich in fact worked as a speech therapist, with several patients).

I learned to have responsibility to achieving goals. Back to BH I was already a entire new person. More free, if I can speak in that way. I started to study to get this job of the city hall of my city, that would be in the end of the year, goind to college all the time, until my friends called me to return to the clinic that had served first. I accepted the invitation and continued studying. There was days when fatigue overcame the determination? Sure, but God gave me supernatural forces to continue studying. The result is not available yet, but my score - I think - was to low for an approval. Anyway, it was once again a opportunity for me see that things do not depend on me, as strive.

I relearned how to miss people, I sympathize for the pain caused by death. Just last week my step grandfather died after a pulmonary embolism that decimated their long and health life in just 15 days. Were 16 years of living with an incredible generous person, loving and charismatic. Mr Álvaro in his 87 years of life, taught to all who had the privilege to live with him - "no matter who treat them well". And to live a simple life - love for children, have fun with friends, make your partner happy, and grow old besid her/him.

And by the grace, this year I learned more about grace than in any year of my life. It was a year of spiritual development, character improvement. I'm still far from being a person who depends entirely of the grace to everything. My ego wants to take charge of my life again and again, but I understood a little bit of grace, learned about the lives of great men and women who lived for it - and decrease my tolerance with what was going against it. But I learned to see the world more through the lens of grace. So I know that even these poor creatures who didn't know how to live by it can be achieved and have a life completely transformed. This section, "thirty-three" was another breath of God's grace in my life. 

And in 2012? No plans, no goals. Dreams yes, but I really want is to go back to childhood a little longer, because I have taken  life too seriously in the past few years. And grace also taught me to value every single momment in my life...things that children do better. I learned, by grace, to do more "wow" to life situations. So the song below summarizes what I want to 2012 (in Italian):