That impossible dream - career

Saturday, December 14th, 2013

I slept thinking that it was all a good dream and woke up with certainty that the dream was actually coming true. We had breakfast at home, hot cereal with yogurt, very taste, that Janet made. I couldn't finish my food, though. Philip was the official "dishwasher", he washed the dishes all the time (and I don't think it was because I was there).

- Have we decided if foxes eat oatmeal yet?
- I don't know, but leave it there that we decide later.

So my bowl with the oatmeal was there, half eaten. I hate wasting food, but I really couldn't eat anymore.

Philip had an alumni lunch, from Wheaton College, where he graduated. From there we would go to a play. We spent most part of the morning talking, mostly Janet and I, since Philip needed to get ready for the lunch. We even went for a walk in the neighborhood.

What an amazing person is Janet! I was already fascinated for her person from what Philip had written, but she was the character, now she was a real person in front of me. Even though I was fascinated by Philip, we sord of knew each other more, because of the emails exchanged over the years. I started emailing her after Wild Goose Festival, but it was this weekend when I really met her. You don't need to be married with her to want to talk about her. The Yanceys couple is truly fascinating.

She showed me the famous mountains that she climbed, the house where they had lived before, asked me questions, showed me where a female elk died and was not eaten by any animal, just stayed there until it completely decomposed. It was only it bones there, but the snow had covered.

She also showed me a barrel and explained to me that the sand that was in there was to creat friction for the cars and especially for the delivery trucks, so they could drive more safely.

She explained me that the kids in Colorado have outside classes where they learn the difference between the Evergreens. And she taught me how to.

It was indeed a wonderful morning with Janet. When we got home she told Philip about the covered elk.

Before the lunch we stopped in a mountain. Red Rock, or something like that. It was an arena that hosted several famous concerts over the years.

We arrived at the lunch place, and there were those little name tags. Philip saw some friends and introduced me to them.

- This is Dani, she is our friend from Brazil.
I am the Yanceys friend, la la la
- Nice to meet you, blsakhejsh?
- Sorry?
- She is going to be a writer, that is how we met each other.
Ok, I think I might be the same color as the Christmas decorations now.
- And what you are writing about?
Am I really talking about my book?
- Right now I am working in a book about grace, about how we can see it in different aspects of our lives.

Philip was looking at me like a proud father while I was talking.

At lunch we met Julie, a middle-aged lady that lived in Japan for over 20 years. She beat cancer twice, and now was in treatment again. She had an East accent, even though she was actually American. Both of them were really friendly. I talked "professionally with the husband, he also asked about Brazil and was pretty interested in what I was saying. I didn't talk that much to her, but her simplicity and joy of living was pretty impressive, she radiated gratitude. I am just passionated about cancer stories, I can't help myself.

Sitting with us were also two girls, sisters. One went to Wheaton, the other was her sister's guest. They spent the whole lunch talking to Philip, they were all vaults talking to him, just like me, and he was all friendly as always.

There was also a lady, Thereza, and her son, that was finishing his Masters in some famous Opera college that I forgot the name. And another guy, who was married and unemployed. Thereza knew Philip, he told me by the end of the day, in the car how did that happen. They gave the unemployed boy indications of places to get a job.

I don't remember to meet anybody else, other than the speaker - which I was introduced by the-Yanceys-friend-who-came-from-Brazil-and-want-to-be-a-writer - but I suspect that I sat in the coolest table there.

The lunch was little sandwiches and for desserts little typical American cakes.

Then, the play. What a production! From the little kids to the old man who was Mr Scrooge, all excellent actors, perfect soundtrack, a cultural event for anyone find fault. Isaiah 9:6 reading by a little boy some time in the play.

Sitting behind us was the Japan couple. At lunch, Janet said how she liked there, and I was amazed. I was "forgeting" that I was guest of a couple who traveled all around the world. Talking about that sometime during the day, Janet must noticed the twinkle in my eyes, because she said that I should travel all around the world some day and actually she afirmed, "who knows, some day you could do it". I was a writer, after all.

But Julie was an amazing person that I wanted to know better. She wished me a Merry Christmas and good times here in the US, not because she had too, because I could hear the honesty on her words, to actually really wish me all happiness in the world. I really wanted talk to her more, she must be an incredible human being.

After the play we went to a walk around Denver. First stop was a street market, Christmas themed. We ate fresh chestnuts, looked for Janet's sister ornament. Janet peeled some chestnuts, gave to me and offer to Philip also.

- No, thank you.
- Aren't you hungry?
- I peel my own chestnuts. It makes me feel more useful.
Male ego and the constant need of self-approval, present in the best men, hahaha.

We went to take a picture in the big blue bear. Philip took the picture.

Then we went for dinner in a brazilian restaurant called Cafe Brazil. The owners were Colombian, though. The music was hispanic. The menu was Brazilian - headlining Feijoada and Caipirinha. I ordered a chicken Feijoada, Janet did the same. Philip wanted the traditional Brazilian Feijoada. I also ordered a mango juice, which was delicious. Before dinner they gave us a papaya "soup", that had onions on it and something else. It was to make our stomaches ready for the Feijoada. But it was too spicy, didn't finish the first spoonful. They loved the food, but didn't order any desserts. Philip was thinking about the pecan-pie that was at home.

- He loves desserts!
- Yes, I do!
Commonality!

Wen we got home he ate the pie, but I couldn't eat anything else. He said, "somethings just don't get out of your mind, you know?", and ate his pecan-pie with all the happiness in the world, even though he was saying that was being impolite in front of the guest, just because he was eating when I didn't want to eat. I said that there was no problem. We talked more about my future as a writer, my plans when I come back to Brazil, it was a good time.

He told me about Thereza (from lunch). He talked a few years ago about loving our enemies and showed a picture about an Al-Kaeda guy talking: "those are our enemies". Her husband had an idea then, to develop a website with pictures of terrorists, called "Adopt a terrorist to pray". I have read about it in one of his books and then realized that I have talked to one more character of his books.

Philip checked my Facebook, each one of the posts and then commented in one of the pictures that I posted to thank them because I was there.

I have a comment from Philip Yancey on my timeline!

- Thank you to teach me how to use this, I will follow you to check how you are.

!!!!!

- So, have you ever translated in public, Dani?
- Ahn?
- If I was going to visit you and speak somewhere, would you translate me?
=O
- Oh, no, never translated in public. Just the conversations between my mom and my host mom.
- So they talk to each other?
- Yeah, and I translate both ways.
- Oh, I see. She says: "she is highly irresponsible" and you translate as "she is highly responsible". She says "she is terrible with the kids", and you say "she is great with the kids", like that, right?
- hahahahahahaha, no, I do translate right, but she actually really likes me.

After a long time talking we went to sleep, the last day was coming. It is funny how the time seemed to go to fast and endured forever at the same time.

Sunday, December 15th, 2013

So there was the last day. The day before Philip said that he wouldn't spend the whole day with us and Janet told me to pack up, because we probably wouldn't come back home after church.

I woke up really early, so and was enjoying the room and remembering every single moment, trying to absorb the dream that was true. I looked through the window and watched the Colorado mountains. Thought how nice it would be if I could live there.

I talked to some friends through Facebook, got dressed, packed up, cleaned my room. I went downstairs and there was Philip. I think I could spend one thousand days with them and I would still think that was super cool to see Philip drinking his coffee in his living room.

That last day Philip cooked the breakfast, omelet with ham and cheese. I am used already to this kind of American breakfast, so I happily ate it. Actually, that was the first time that I was hungry since I got there. The altitude messed up with my stomach a little. After that Janet peeled a mango for me and I ate more than a half of it.

After that they went to get dressed for the day. Philip came back first, so I took the courage to ask him to sign the books that I brought with me in my backpack. I put one extra name because I guessed wrong, so he readily went to his office and got one more book and signed. I didn't want to bother him, but he really enjoyed what I did. He asked me to not put the books away so he could show Janet how much books I got him to sign.

Before that he had given me his newest book "The question that never goes away", that was released only now in the US, but it was already in England (therefore, would be with British spelling,  in other words, perfection - Philip's book in British English). He also gave me a book to give to my host mother, in appreciation for letting me go there.

I bought them some presents, that didn't get home before I went there, but I wrote some cards.

- Awe Dani, you ARE a writer - a bilingual one!

He told me more about the other house that they had before, the one right in the middle of the mountains.

- Life is full of losses and gains, Dani. We lost our mountain, but we got this creek. You lost the daily contact with your family and fiancé, but here you are, living amazing things.

Because he wouldn't spend the whole day with us, we went in different cars. Janet in one, Philip and I in the other. A gentleman as he proved to be everyday that I was there, he opened the car door for me, and we were talking in the car going to the church.

My life mentor was indeed giving me tips for everything, and we were also talking about nothing, like two friends would do. We talked about my instropection as well.

The service was really nice. So there I was, singing and listening to the pastor, next to the Yanceys. I think this kind of everyday things were the most amazing things about this trip. The "profesional"conversations on Saturday were really awesome, but the everyday of people that you admire so much was something truly amazing that I was able to see it.

After the service Philip said goodbye. He would go to the mountains to finish his new book, he wanted to finish last month yet. I thought that the farewell would be totally different. But I goodbye to him like if I was doing that with some friend that I would see again soon, even though I have no clue when I am going to see him again.

Janet and I went back to her car, where we talked until we got into the mall where we would have lunch.

- The fact is, Dani, God made you brazilian for a reason. You might not live there forever, but that's where he wants you for now. And you will make History no matter where you are.

I was not talking bad about Brazil, though. She kind of say that in the middle of our conversation and that actually deeply moved me.

I had a slice of pizza for lunch, she bought a candy popcorn bag to eat in the car and we went to the airport. Same feeling in the farewell that I had with Philip.

In the airplane, everything was becoming clear in my mind, I was finally realizing what just happened to me. You know when you are working out and just realize how tired you are when you actually stop? It was kind of the same thing those days, living in a paralelal world inside the paralelal world that is already to be living in the USA.

I said on my first post about it and say it again. God wants us to dream. Actually, everything that I described with less words that would be enough to describe everything, is much much more that I could possibly dream. The grace of God is not only surprising, it is priceless. It is not for free because God is a nice guy only, because even if we wanted to pay for it, we could never do it. And it is not present only because of our salvation (which would be more than enough), but in every step, in every moment of our lives, in every breath.

It is about this illogical, inexplicable, irresistible and surprising grace, the theme of the book that I am writing. The first half of it came to paper after I met Philip in person, the second is to come, even more inspired.

I will always be grateful to God for the opportunity to meet Philip and Janet, since when I was 13 and read his first book, until now, when they call me their friend. God is just awesome and his love is extraordinary.

Be sad!

Another post of #thirty-three (original at 01/2012)

I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. 

Salmos 69:3

Today I write this text because it worries me, very much, the fact that the sadness in our days is practically synonymous with sin in the church. As if the fact that someone feel sad qualify as less credulous in God.

I do not disagree that, in God, we have every reason for happiness in the world. No external or internal circumstances should shake us. But here's news for you: we are human!

Indeed, if it was a sin to be sad, would not have the book of praise (Psalms), Lamentations, Job, among others, and we would assume that Jesus was a sinner. See what he says to Peter, James, on the eve of the crucifixion: "And he said unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death: tarry ye here and watch." (Mark 14:34). This was not the only time he was sad, but I like the way he expressed it in these verses. Jesus was here suffering like any of us would suffer by having to face such difficulties.

I see today, also the scale of sorrows allowed. If any member of your family died, then you have the right to be sad. If you are single for a long time, then "take shame in the face" and take that sadness of heart, because you have to wait on God.

Obviously, I used two extremes. But I want to give special attention to this sad to be alone.If I decide to wait on God for someone who will be the right person for me, so it will be difficult for sure. After all, there would be much easier for me to "have fun with the wrong until right?". If I'm walking the right path I'll almost always find it difficult (or maybe ever, actually). And difficulties, however strong may be the person slaughtering a little the spirit, yes.

And if it's hard, why can not we be sad about it? Who said that being sad is synonymous with giving up hope in God, to fulfill his will? Returning to the example of Jesus in verse of Mark above. The fact that He has been sad unto death did he give up dying in our place?History shows that not.

Understand, I'm not saying here that we must live being sad. But grace is made perfect in weakness, so we remember by her how wonderful is our Lord and our soul is refreshed, renewed our spirits. For her 69th Psalm, which begins this post, ends as follows:

But as for me, afflicted and in pain — may your salvation, God, protect me.
I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.
This will please the LORD more than an ox, more than a bull with its horns and hooves.
The poor will see and be glad — you who seek God, may your hearts live!
The LORD hears the needy and does not despise his captive people.
Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and all that move in them,
for God will save Zion and rebuild the cities of Judah. Then people will settle there and possess it;
the children of his servants will inherit it, and those who love his name will dwell there. 
PSalms 69:29-36

Being full of grace Jesus faced death, and have gone through mortal sorrow, He also gives us that right.

So, let us be sad but, feelings are not sins. Do not give up, however. Wait longer, and, when not take it anymore, just wait. Cry, talk to God about your afflictions, tell him that your soul is sad. Tell Him when you have the feeling that their prayers are not passing the ceiling.

I have a younger brother. Much younger, almost like a son. So many times I understand some paternal feelings there. A father, when he sees his son sad, do not want him pretending that all is well. Moreover, as father, he has a sixth sense that all is not well. The father wants his son tell why he's sad. He wants to help the child, even if only to listen.And God is our father. He wants to hear our quiet desperation that no one sees behind the smile on church Saturday night.

God will not get angry if we say that we are sad. God will not be hurt keeping. He loves us unconditionally and even our most hurtful claims will not change that. I used only one chapter of Psalms. Read this book and you'll see David describing his sorrow several times.

But in all your sorrow, do not give up. Do not give up can stabilize financially. Do not give up going to college. Do not give up to find the man / woman of your life. Trust in God's grace. Always remember that no matter how you are, He loves you. And yet nothing changes in your life, it is too small when compared with eternity.

And those who are happy, understand the grief of your brother. Remember that grace is manifested in our love with each other. Demonstrate grace to him, console your brother at sad times. Do not judge, as did the friends of Job. Who only knows the eternal purposes is God himself. And remember that, by demonstrating such grace, you can brighten your brother, and be God's answer that he (she) was looking for.

Finally, what about some more verses from the Apostle speaks of suffering in his letters?Paul in Romans:

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.
For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope
that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.
Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.
And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all —how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died —more than that, who was raised to life —is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." [^10]
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, [^11] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 
Romans 8:18-39

May the Grace of Christ guide us =)

A breath of grace in the virtual world - an interview with Philip Yancey

I had the privilege a few months ago, to exchanging a few emails with the great writer Philip Yancey. Since then he has become a sort of mentor to me in many ways. Some time ago I had the opportunity to interview him about this world of the "blogosphere". For several reasons this interview was not yet online, but I'm very happy to post here today. May his words might serve as inspiration to all Christians involved in this way, as they served to me.

Philip Yancey, 62, writer and journalist, is married with Janet and lives in the mountains of Colorado. He is an American author enshrined in the Christian internationally, has won several literary prizes. Having grown up in a fundamentalist and racist church in the southern United States, he learned through life that grace is the central point of Christianity that many churches have forgotten. The author of  bestsellers such as "What's so amazing about grace" and "Disappointment with God, mr Philip gave the Thirty-three his views on the blogosphere.

Thirty-three: You are one of the most influent writers of our time. What you think about the blogs? Could they take the space before occupied only with books' writers?
       Philip Yancey: I'm old-fashioned and I like to hold books in my hand so that I can mark them up when I read.  For this reason I hope blogs don't take away books.  Yet I know that they offer a new and quicker (and more intimate?) way to communicate to a new generation and in fact I have my own blog.  It's not very regular, but I find it is liberating to write whenever I want, not on a regular schedule, about whatever I want without worrying about length.  With magazines and books I have to keep length in mind, but not on a blog.

33: Wich tips would you give to new writers or to someone who wants to start writing? Do you thing that starts a blog can help?
         PY: The only way to learn to write and to improve is to write!  So, yes, writing a blog can be a great help.  It forces you to put words down, play with them, move them around, find out what communicates and what doesn't.  Plus, blogs usually have space for comments, and the second key to getting started in writing is feedback.  I recommend that aspiring writers join a small group of others who take turns reading their material to each other, asking for comments about what works well and what doesn't.  Blogs can help provide this service.

33: How the internet could be used to show the grace of God (not only with blogs, but with facebook, twitter, and others)?

         PY:The internet reaches across cultural barriers.  I hear from people in the Middle East or China, for example, who could not write me by "snail mail" without involving danger.  Plus, they can write private, personal questions that would not work in a public setting.  I have noticed a tendency, though, for those who use the Internet not to show grace.  Something about the immediate response makes them more likely to flame with anger or passion rather than giving a careful, reasoned response.  I hope that Christians become models of care and reconciliation on the Internet--after all, Jesus told us to love our enemies.

33: Many people here in Brazil has taken advantage of the opportunity that the internet give, to talk about mistakes on church, what do you thing about that?

         PY:Well, the internet may be the safest place to voice critiques of the church.  I hope they don't use it as a forum to criticize specific names and organizations however.  It dare not become a place for venting gossip.  On the other hand, some places have no access to a healthy church, and the internet can for them provide a kind of "virtual church" allowing them to connect with healthy, mature Christians.  Not everyone can easily find a grace-filled church with sound doctrine.  The internet exposes other models out there that we can learn from.

33: How we can make difference in our world, only writing? 

         PY:I ask myself that all the time.  Once I wrote an article about the difference in my isolated life and my wife's, (she was a social worker in Chicago at the time).  Each night she would come home with stories of responding to real human need whereas I just moved words and commas around on a computer screen.  Yet if I choose well what I write about, I can inspire and nurture people like my wife who are on the "front lines" of faith.  I think of authors who have helped shape my life and faith.  They too sat in a lonely room and moved words around, yet they brought me hope and health.  Maybe I can do that for others.  Plus, I would be no good at social work or chaplaincy!  We all have different gifts, and writing is only one--but it is one God can use.

33: Also here in Brazil, the blogs has gained ground in the youth time. Some young people spend hours in front of computer to read humor blogs, and is very commom that a few (maybe a lot) of this writers talk bad things about Jesus, most part because the people wich were supposed to be christians is talking stupid things, that was not on Bible. Do you think that the message of grace has space of this atheistic "blogs' world"?

         PY: I believe such blogs offer an opportunity (and challenge) for Christians to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit described in Galatians 5: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, etc.  When I write for secular blogs I'm amazed by how mean and cruel and dismissive readers can be.  Our job as Christians is to show another way, even when we disagree.  Reading blogs can be a waste of time, though it can also be an avenue in which we can live out our faith.

33: How could a christian speak about polemic issues, like homossexualism, abortion, death penalty, sex before marriage, speaking about grace, but not talking with liberalism neither legalism?

         PY: Of course, Christians have been doing this for years in books and magazine articles.  I hope we treat the other side with respect and dignity.  We should give them a chance to state their case, then carefully and compassionately explain why we may disagree.  The same principles apply in conversation and writing for magazines that should apply in blogs.  The real issue is, How can we show love?  Answer that, and you'll have your answer to this question.  We must follow the example of Jesus, who lived among people who must have grievously offended him.  Yet he managed to attract them.  If only Christians were more like Jesus!

33: How much read things on internet has helped you (if that happened)?

         PY: Mainly, I use the internet for research.  In times past I'd spend hours in libraries tracking down the background facts to what I write about.  Now I can simply use Google and get all that research instantly, from my home.  I love that!  I don't use the internet to read opinion pieces, though I do use it to check the news from sources such as the BBC.

33: If Jesus lives in our time, do you think that he would have a blog?

         PY: Hard to say.  He was so interpersonal that almost all his work involved the ability to look people in the eye and touch them.  He never left any writing, for example, and the only scene we have of him writing (John 8), he wrote in sand that would soon blow away.  So my guess is that he would not blog.  He focused on small groups of people, especially his 12 disciples, and had no interest in mass communication.

33: Say something to young people in Brazil who gonna read your interview
    PY: I am honored that you asked me to be your first interviewee! Go to my website:  www.philipyancey.com!  Or you can find me on Facebook, both a site which I monitor and another one run by a many from Venezuela which includes many responses in Spanish and Portuguese.  Just type my name in Facebook and you'll see a brown photo (my site) and a green photo (the international site). 

Mr. Philip has a section in his website, called Writing, which gives many tips for those who want to join this world of writing. In several books he cites the joys and the difficulties of life as a writer, but I particularly recommendo the book "Soul Survivor", where the author reviews his story citing several people, mostly writers who influenced him to be a Christian and writer who is today. 

May the grace be with us this year!

Learning

"And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward: Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency {is} of God." - II Co 3:4-5

At the end of the fateful year of 2010 I was sure about one thing for the year to come - would be a different year. And in a way that I never expected (therefore different in the purest sense of the word), 2011 was indeed different.

If someone asked me to summarize these 365 days in one word, my choice would be certainly be the word "learning"

I learned to let the material things go. In January I had a home care patient, a great challenge for a newly graduate like me, so I did a price well below market. But I didn't receive for that job, and I let go those few hundred "dollars". In the same month I learned that only the grace of Jesus can make me overcome temptations, and not myself. And I learned the value of solidarity and hospitality, through Nipponese people who welcomed us with open arms in Espírito Santo.

I learned to expect the impossible and not give up because of a few dreams thwarted. And all this without creating fancy and impossible plans. In the beginning of the year we didn't know how to keep my young brother in his school, because our financial condition, we could not afford the tuition the school. I proposed a project for speech therapy intervention for the director, but he did not understand properly the project, and rejected the proposal. However, he offered me to replace a teacher who was on maternity leave.

From February to mid-May I had the most rewarding experience of my life. I will miss forever each one of those 36 little creatures. With them I learned to teach, to be patient, to be a child again, to love my work. I would not be surprised if I give up my career to teaching. With the payment I pay off my debts (that was accumulated by years) and pay school fees for my brother.

The verse found in II Corinthians 3:4-5, which introduces this post, portrait well the rest of my year, wich was basically study for a available position to city hall. I did not get the job one of the two that I tried, but in fact learned that only by grace, not by any of my knowledge, I will get the job if He wants so. And I am very calm about it.

In the first test, in the city of São José do Rio Preto (in the countryside of state of São Paulo), I failed the test specific, and has good grades in public health, computer science, logical reasoning and Portuguese.  And there I began to learn what is missing and courage. It was the first time I had ever travel by plane, and was going to a city where I didn't knew nobody, much less the city. Although it was only a day and a half, and I did not take a walk through the city, I saw everything in my life be questioned, just because I was far far away from home.

I went back and worked at a clinic of my friends - angels that God replaced so I could survive until I had a steady job. And after a while the opportunity arose to replace a speech therapist in Divinópolis (in the countryside of state of Minas Gerais). And there I learned more. Almost learned to live alone, since I was in a boarding house and the owners were like surrogate parents to me. But I learned to control my finances, to take responsibility like a "housewife", to be a better speech therapist (since it was the first time since graduated, wich in fact worked as a speech therapist, with several patients).

I learned to have responsibility to achieving goals. Back to BH I was already a entire new person. More free, if I can speak in that way. I started to study to get this job of the city hall of my city, that would be in the end of the year, goind to college all the time, until my friends called me to return to the clinic that had served first. I accepted the invitation and continued studying. There was days when fatigue overcame the determination? Sure, but God gave me supernatural forces to continue studying. The result is not available yet, but my score - I think - was to low for an approval. Anyway, it was once again a opportunity for me see that things do not depend on me, as strive.

I relearned how to miss people, I sympathize for the pain caused by death. Just last week my step grandfather died after a pulmonary embolism that decimated their long and health life in just 15 days. Were 16 years of living with an incredible generous person, loving and charismatic. Mr Álvaro in his 87 years of life, taught to all who had the privilege to live with him - "no matter who treat them well". And to live a simple life - love for children, have fun with friends, make your partner happy, and grow old besid her/him.

And by the grace, this year I learned more about grace than in any year of my life. It was a year of spiritual development, character improvement. I'm still far from being a person who depends entirely of the grace to everything. My ego wants to take charge of my life again and again, but I understood a little bit of grace, learned about the lives of great men and women who lived for it - and decrease my tolerance with what was going against it. But I learned to see the world more through the lens of grace. So I know that even these poor creatures who didn't know how to live by it can be achieved and have a life completely transformed. This section, "thirty-three" was another breath of God's grace in my life. 

And in 2012? No plans, no goals. Dreams yes, but I really want is to go back to childhood a little longer, because I have taken  life too seriously in the past few years. And grace also taught me to value every single momment in my life...things that children do better. I learned, by grace, to do more "wow" to life situations. So the song below summarizes what I want to 2012 (in Italian):

Joy at anytime

Another post of #Thirty-three (original at 12/2011)

This {is} the day {which} the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be gald in it.” – Psalms 118:24

 

We tend to thank God for good days. As we read this verse in one of these days we find it quite applicable to the moment. But there are bad days, and this verse does not limit anytime, whether good or bad day.

There are several reasons that a day could be bad – because things did not work, because we got bad news, because we had a disagreement with someone, etc. This, however, does not nullify the fact that we are alive, and if so is, given moments of grace even if we don’t realize it.

If we start the day knowing that God did it, and allow us to live it, our perspective is always positive, even though the day may be bad. And that doesn't means  being with a smile on your face always - that is false joy, or joy of facade, whatever you like more - it just means that we are grateful to God, even though the sad circumstances of life.

Grace teaches us to see a little flower rising, even amid the debris of a gigantic war.